New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
