Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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