Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
