I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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