her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
