last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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