I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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