He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
