no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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