Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
