Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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