It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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