tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
