okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
