i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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