Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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