i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
