but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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