she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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