i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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