Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
