Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
