he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
