What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
