chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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