well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
