Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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