Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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