I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
