We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
there is puke in my bra ... again
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