I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
