1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
