What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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