Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
