his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
