What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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