found the other keg... it's in the tree
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
