Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
