i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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