Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
