I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
