The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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