I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
