Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
