She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
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They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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