you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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