i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
