i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
