We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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