you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
