Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
