Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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