Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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