His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
