We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I cut my penus on the lid.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
