he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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