i barfeds in our rink
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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