Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
