I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
