SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
