FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
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Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
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Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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