How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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