batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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