I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
