Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
