At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
