I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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