I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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