Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
