Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
