The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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