drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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