I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
