a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
