No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My pussy is not your playground.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
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Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
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the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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