My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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