the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
