Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
