i love accidental penises.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
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How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
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Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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