True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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