He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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