i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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