I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
