Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
