Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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